I was thinking yesterday while waiting for my ride about people online who disappear for a time. With friends I have in “real life”, I don’t worry when I don’t see them online for a couple weeks. I just assume they’re very busy.
But there’s a difference when the majority of the people you talk to actively online has issues. A few years ago, I joined a support forum for people who self harm. I met a lot of good people there. I also met a lot of really depressed people. So there was a policy that if you knew you wouldn’t be on for a while, you let people know so we didn’t have to look for your obituary online. Sad, aye?
I stopped going to that board when I started being able to cope without needing to bring it to the group. Going there became more of a trigger than a help, so I took my sad leave. Over the last couple years, between my blogs and ED support boards, I have also met numerous people of both genders with eating disorders. Some of them in medical danger, some highly depressed.
Whenever you don’t hear from someone in a while, you always have to wonder. Are they OK? Did they take their life? Have they been admitted to the hospital? Did they go into treatment? I get very nervous and prayerful.
When you hear everything each individual is going through, when you get all their frustrations, hear all their rants, talk them through tough times, listen when they need to be heard, get to know their hearts and fear and hopes and loves, you can’t help but love them and care for them and want the very best for them.
I admit, I get very easily attached. That’s probably why I put the walls up that I do. But it’s harder to do that online. And, honestly, I don’t feel I need to as much. And I get so invested in these people. And right now, I’m waiting to hear from one girl. She’s 14. I pray for her normally, but I guess I pray extra hard when I don’t hear from her.
And it just struck me as odd yesterday when I was thinking about it all. Unless you are entrenched in this stuff, who would worry? I know some people that I met on message boards 5, 6 years ago. If I don’t hear from them, I miss talking to them, but I don’t worry about them.
It also makes me think about being on the other end. I don’t like having people worry about me. That’s one of the reasons I don’t like my family knowing about my ED. They used to just think I was trying to be healthy. Now they scrutinize and watch and worry. I can’t stand seeing it on their face and knowing I’m the cause.
Filed under: Thoughts and Musings | Tagged: eating diorder, forum, friends, letters, message board, self harm, self injury, stairs, worry
